Family Life In The Military
by Linda Qualls

Today, people in America join the military for many different reasons, such as patriotism, the results of 9/11, a steady paycheck, or the hope to pay for a college degree.  But, if a family is involved one must think of how it will affect them. With frequent moves and separation from dad or mom, will a parent be there to help get through it?   How will you and your spouse handle things? One needs to examine before taking that big step toward joining the military. Dad joined the military because he needed a job and there were not many opportunities open to him in civilian life.  In the military he knew he would have a steady paycheck, be able to put food on the table, and pay the bills, so his choice was to join the Navy. Dad’s decision to join the military had many different effects on our family life.  So, at the ripe old age of two years old, I was off for the adventures of my life as a military kid.

Military life can be easy and fun, or it can be arduous and not so fun; it all depends on how your parents present it to you.  Our parents made sure there would always be a parent at home, and wherever my dad would be stationed he made sure we went with him. Separation for the family was hard, but it was probably harder on Dad because he would be gone for months at sea without his family. Communication was not as advanced as it is today. There were no phones or e-mail, just snail mail, and it was snail mail.  We would not hear from Dad for months and then we would get 6-10 letters at a time would put them in order and read them to us.  My Dad experienced the same lag time in mail delivery.  Sometimes months would pass by before receiving any letters.

When Dad would come home from a deployment, we always celebrated. We would make banners and signs that said “WELCOME HOME”! This part was always fun, plus we would experience an early Christmas.  We would receive gifts from everywhere my dad’s ship would dock, like Turkey and Spain.  I know my Dad missed out on a lot of growing-up moments, but my brother and I knew it was his job. His absence at birthdays, school function, never bothered or hurt us, because we knew he loved us.  He always wrote to us, and made sure where he was stationed the family could go and be near him. This act of love meant more to us than words could say. 

One of the things that made this military family work was Mother’s decision to stay at home with the kids. Mom carried a lot on her shoulders, such as making out the budget, paying the bills, taking care of all repairs for the house and the car, and acting as both mother and father. She was always strong for us. In fact, I do not believe I ever saw her cry when things got tough, not to say she did not let her true emotions show when we were not around. Her job was to keep the family together and emotionally stable.

When it was time for us to move, Mom would take care of all the details.  When we went to the Philippines; she was in charge of the packing, the passports, making sure everyone had their immunization shots and the responsibility of traveling across the Pacific with two children. I would call this woman courageous.

Of course, not all aspects of a military life are rosy. Making friends is difficult since you move a lot, and you are always being uprooted.  I was luckier than some since we mostly stayed in Southern California stateside or spent time over seas.  I spent two years in school in California, three years in the Philippines, six years back in California, two years in Italy, and one year in Oklahoma where my Dad retired. Some kids had to move more than once in a year, which was really difficult. Because of the stability that my parents gave us, moving was much easier for my brother and me.

The better moments were the places I got to see and live. How many kids can say they lived in a house next to a jungle and had boa constrictors and wild pigs come into their yard, or to be sixteen and seventeen and live in Italy?  I know of people who save for a life time just to travel to Rome once. I had opportunities most kids have not had.  I have been to Rome five times; seen the works of Michelangelo, visited the Parthenon in Greece, and lived by the ocean in California.  I have met wonderful and unique people.  Military life for this family has been a grand adventure that we will always keep in our hearts and in our memories.

This life is not for everyone, and if this is the road you wish to take it might be wise to weigh all your options. Do you want to be married? How will it affect your kids? Will they benefit from it?  Military life is just like any job you take. Go into it with a positive attitude, a flexible plan, and you may just like the adventures that lay ahead.

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